December 29 Blink and the day is done! It has been a full week.
We had fun at Dale's 50th birthday party. He and Kathy had a full house
on Christmas Eve. I never go anywhere on Christmas Eve! Andie and I sang
a bit for the birthday boy.
All the young ones except Freedom were home on Christmas
Eve. I was watching some of the video that Andie shot and thinking about
the years that have passed. Our house has become an artist's haven. Andie
shot some footage of me playing a new song with Amishaddai. Mish plays
flute beautifully. Andie has the same gift with moving pictures that she
has with stills. We are still working on the audio part but the shots
were magical. It is good to have music in the home. I have spent so much
time playing alone, and I still do. I love the chance to share music with
other artists. I love hearing Andie sing. John Matthews came to Provs
the other night and sat in with me. It was great to have the percussion.
John is the person who once told me a story of someone's troubles and
then simply said, "Life." That sums it up so often. Some are
happy, some are sad, some are rich some are poor, some find love, some
never do. And on and on. Life. John played percussion on several tunes
from the Room With A View CD and was there for several of the vocal sessions
as well. He mentioned listening to the CD on the way to Provs and talked
about how much he was moved by the music. I have heard that alot. Then
came the "Do you think you guys will play together again sometime?"
Life. I think the hardest part of music for me has been playing with people
like Jamie, or Deirdre and having that harmony and synergy and then going
back to playing solo. I tend to silence up and peek out at the world instead
of reaching down and pouring out my heart. And I have plenty of heart.
The same God who gave me my talents is standing by my side and is in my
heart so I am not really alone. I forget that sometimes. Then "life"
happens and I remember.
December 24 Christmas Eve. I have
been remiss in writing in my journal. I began this morning and just felt
empty space between my ears. It is another Christmas here in the Northwest.
We will have more members of the family around than usual this year. Sarah
and Chani will be at the house at the same time. That almost never happens.
Freedom remains in New York mixing his and Rob's CD with Matt Stein. He
sounded great when I talked to him. I have watched Andie going to town
for everyone. She reminds me of George Bailey's character in It's a Wonderful
Life. She gets a lot of joy from giving. We have been laughing through
the trials and looking forward to having more time with the two of us.
I love Andie's mom, she is such fun at Christmas. She gets as excited
as a kid and it is so good to have her here. I miss Dad and the family
at home in Florida, I wouldn't mind an 80 degree Christmas some time.
We have so much to be thankful for this year. Our faith and family and
friends, our music and art, our home and studio and love. It is good to
have love. I pray for peace and the return of our young men and women
overseas, for the homeless. For healing in broken hearts around the world,
that someday we will learn to love each other. I hope the wonder of the
season will keep our eyes open to the preciousness of life and the gift
we have been given by being placed here and given this chance. I wish
you all a Merry Christmas filled with the love and comfort and a warmth
in your soul as you recall the reason for the season.
Click the title to read the Lyrics for my Christmas tune,
Keep The Christ In Christmas.
December 16 Another day closer to
Christmas and as the rain falls on Seattle I wonder what is next. Sarah
should be coming home pretty soon to work on her music. Josh is beginning
work on a CD of instrumental music. I am learning my way through new recording
software. Liz is busy being a social butterfly. Chani is trying to break
the record for the most credits taken in one quarter at college. Freedom
is in New York mixing his album. Andie and I are trying to keep pace and
longing for the time we can spend more time together working in our studios
and just having fun. We wrapped presents together the other night. Sometimes
we just take to task and work without talking much but we both are comfortable
just being together. At times I think both of our minds run too fast to
find words. Sleep takes a low priority on our to do lists just so we can
have more time together. We have been so busy with the day to day that
we have missed church for a while. I think we both feel the effect of
that pretty fast. We are both entertaining the idea of finding a new place
to spend with God on Sundays. It is tough but if you pay attention you
go where you are called. I am glad it is the holiday season. For some
reason I always get a touch of the blues but I have managed to put them
on the back burner most of the time. I think I am sensitive to all the
people who don't have the blessings we have. The lost and lonely souls
who feel their condition even more this time of year. But this is the
time to celebrate all the blessings we have and to renew the hope that
began that first Christmas and continues to this day. I love the lights,
the music, the films (like It's A Wonderful Life), the gathering of friends
and family. In the words of Tiny Tim, God bless us, everyone.
December 12 It is pouring down rain
outside here in the lovely northwest. We got to have dinner with our friend
Randy Fickel last night. He was in for a few days from Ohio. We got lost
on the way to pick him up and our friend Dale got the Internet and guided
us to our destination. Thanks Dale. It was great to see Randy and we had
a lovely visit. We look forward to the next time we get to see Randy and
Terri. Two days before Rob and Freedom left for New York I wrote a new
song called You Are The One. We all sang it together later that evening.
I have since rewrote the second verse because I wanted it to be more about
Andie and less about my feelings. So it became: You are whimsical like
fireflies on a summer night in June. You are lovely as a midnight sky
with a ring around the moon. When you stand beside me, your love's forever
true. I love you more for who you are than for the things you do. That's
it. When we were in Ohio Andie was thrilled like a child because she saw
fireflies for the first time. I am so thankful for her and we have grown
together over these years. When life seems like a bowl of pits instead
of cherries I look at her and I am ready to plant those pits and grow
some cherry trees. I feel like she is the best thing that has happened
in my life. She also makes me appreciate all the wonderful children I
have been blessed to have in my life. So it is raining outside but it
is sunny in our home.
A note on communication. Before we speak we ask, what
is the outcome I am looking for? We own our feelings. I feel like, or
I think are good ways to start sharing feelings and we stay away for pointing
fingers. "You did this or that , or you make
me feel" are not a good because "you" creates a sense of
defensiveness in the other person. It is kind of fun to think things through
and come up with a way of saying something in a different way than you
are accustomed. The brain is pretty cooperative and if I start with the
"what is the outcome?" question it will usually provide some
good ideas. Oh and I guess it is important to come up with an answer to
the what is the outcome question before pursuing the conversation. If
I don't then a conversation can take a lot of detours. Lastly we try to
always come from a place of love. That focus makes all the difference.
Listen to me go on. For some reason I thought I should write this down.
December 11 Days have been flying
by once again. It has been so busy here at the house. Now it seems quiet.
No sleeping people and no all night recording. I am ready for the next
adventure. The holidays are racing towards us and as usual I am waiting
to shop till the late stage of the game. Oh, well. It is funny how my
mind works. There was a lot of giving going on here in the last few weeks
as Freedom and Rob scrambled to finish their album. I think I hinged too
much on being able to turn my Mac back on in the end and getting to work
on my project. On the last night when I went to start it up it would not.
It is a big hardware issue and will likely cost lots to fix. I immediately
went into a funk. I felt terrible and was giving myself a mental bashing.
Andie said, think about what you just did for them. You should feel good.
It was slow to help. Then Freedom called from New York and thanked me
and said how much it all meant and I was okay again. Sometimes I wish
I could find the exit sign or the off switch for my brain. I am working
on become my own best friend instead of my own worst enemy. And that is
the way the cookie crumbles.
December 5 Another quiet morning
arrives to find sleeping musicians scattered around the house. Sessions
were good last night and at least when I went to bed everything was going
good. I have been thinking alot lately about life in general. Time is
a tricky thing. In the wee hours of Sunday morning Rob and Freedom will
be off to New York. Josh will remain and perhaps this is a time for healing
and mending fences. I feel so weary with the day to day. It is so easy
sometimes to get swept up in complaint mode and just start seeing the
dark side of everything. Then, if you stop, it all seems so superficial
in the big picture. I don't make mention of the "unwar" that
is taking place overseas but it weighs on my heart every day. I think
of the young men and women put in harms way, for what? I don't spend a
lot of time on the for what issue, I grieve in my heart for what they
are going through and it flashes my Viet Nam experience in my face. I
pray for their safe removal from the ungrateful soil on which they stand.
These are troubles times in so many ways and still their is faith, still
there is love, still there is hope. When will we learn to love each other?
December 2 This is a journal overwrite.
I vented pretty hard yesterday and Andie said I shouldn't have done that
here. Perhaps I am just too open with my feelings. I love sharing emotion
through song and I also love to write. So I write what flows from my heart
and mind with reckless abandon. Sometimes I wonder if very many people
will ever hear my songs. I am comforted by the fact that I can freely
make some music available for listening and even purchase. I am rethinking
a lot of things right now and I always return to the place of Love where
I can always find God.
There is a lot of music happening at home. I have to say
that the ride out of the last song on the album is one of the most beautiful
pieces of music I have heard. It is played by Rob and Joshua. I am so
thankful that Josh will be on the album. The guitar parts he played were
awe inspiring. It has been my dream to have good music come alive in our
studio and it is.
When we pay attention, everything we go through isn't really
good or bad, it just is what it is. I like feeling balance and love and
like I am moving steady on. Right now I am happy on the one hand and troubled
on the other. What do you do when someone you love does not appear to
be growing? I don't like TV and Video games very much or the energy they
bring into our house. They both waste so much time when there is so much
to be done. Kindness is the essence of loving interaction between human
beings. How do you find that in someone who gravitates towards negativity.
I guess we each walk our own paths and are responsible for ourselves.
If someone brings disharmony and negative energy into your home sanctuary
then the time will quickly come for them to move on. We are all so different
in our walks. It is a sad day when things start to disappear from your
home when loved ones are near and there is no explanation, only a reference
point to the past. The past where pain thrives. In the end I grieve in
my heart because I want to change the way it is. It is neither good or
bad but it may well soon have to be neither good or bad somewhere else.
Yet Love may reach through and and turn things towards harmony. That is
my hope, that is my prayer.
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