November 30 Last night was much
music and good food at Provs. It was reminiscent of times that seem long
ago and included many familiar faces. As I listened to Dave Noran talk
about moving back here I thought of how Andie and I have considered moving
away. We like the city and the country and would really like to have both.
So much culture in the city but so fast passed. Kathy and Dale have the
best of both worlds right in Seattle. I love visiting their home and them.
The funny thing about seeing people at musical events is that is very
difficult to talk to anyone. There is so much going on with all the people
and the music that I get carried away and almost overwhelmed by it. It
almost feels like looking through a curtain into another room. Maybe it
is just a sensory overload response. At times I feel that way about Washington
and that leads to talk of moving. We love the San Juans but business isn't
exactly booming up there. As for now, here we are and with so much music
and art to be made it looks like here we will stay.
November 29 Tonight should be fun
with old friends back in town. I feel lately likely we have fallen back
in time to another era with all the people in the house sleeping on the
floor in the living room and the studio. It is kind of wild. Last night
was strange because our kitchen was taken over and we were barely greeted
by our guests. Being from the south I often struggle with what appears
to me to be an absence of manners and courtesy. There was some very different
energy in the house last night that made me want to be somewhere else.
I love having the family expanded for the time and know it will be over
too soon. Still last night was not my favorite. I was impressed by Andie's
nonchalance when the two ladies took over the kitchen and began cranking
the oven and preparing pizzas without out even acknowledging Andie. She
did offer to help at the point the Pizzas were burning. It is a different
world these days. Everyone sleeps all day around here so I think I may
go crazy with time off and the inability to get to my studio and get some
things done. I had actually hoped to knock out a new acoustic CD for Christmas
but I am guessing that will be a challenge. I really hope for some time
to talk with Freedom one on one before he goes. The same is true for Josh.
There a lot about each of our perspectives of the past that we do not
know. Always come from Love and let the healing continue.
November 26 How time has been flying by. I seem to get the blues
around the holidays every year. I have tried to put my finger on it but
no information is available. Work is very, very busy. I feel like Andie
does most days: hardly time to go to the bathroom. I try not to stress
but at times it is easier said than done. We had early Thanksgiving since
the whole family had other plans for Thanksgiving day. The "boys"
are up all night every night trying to finish their CD by the first. They
are struggling with computer problems. What a pain that can be. I really
hope I can get some Christmas spirit this year and remember the magic
of the season, the magic and the reason for the season. I try and have
some energy left at the day's end but I often feel spent and lifeless.
It is truly time for a change and redirection. I am loving having Freedom,
Josh and Rob working on music in the studio every day. I would like to
spend more time in there with them. I did spend a few long nights and
early mornings and it was great but I was dragging for a few days afterwards.
I touch my guitar often only on Friday night when I go to Cafe de Paris.
I am glad there will be a few days off as I am having a bit of a dark
period here. Still life goes on and the season of happy holidays is upon
us. I am thankful for faith, friends and family.
November 17 This new day
I am happy to have so much fullness in my life. Time and conversation
with Freedom make me reflect on my years on the planet. He is an old soul
and has so much to say. I think I have laced so many memories of my past
with pain that I don't spend much time reflecting on the things I have
experienced. He has shown some light upon the happy memories of his early
years. I recall the mindset I had after I survived my time in Viet Nam.
I used to pick flowers and stopped often to reflect on the beauty around
me and the preciousness of life. Aaron and I would hike for hours when
he was a baby. I carried him in a baby back pack and we spent many quiet
and reflective moments together. Back then I saw all the possibilities
of life summed up in the saying I often heard in Thailand, "It's
up to you." After all these years Andie and I are approaching the
time for the two of us and the possibilities of being free to chose where
and what to do from there. It is up to us. It is interesting to think
about what will be. As for now the house is full with Josh, Freedom and
Liz and their friends are visiting. Our house seems very small at times
but when everyone scatters with the wind it seems huge. So many of Andie
and my conversations are centered on the "kids" and how to help
them in their lives. We all have our own paths to walk and I have to remind
myself of that often. As parents we want to save our children from paths
that we see as dangerous or dead-end. In the end we simply have to just
love them, pray for them and let them go. Still there are the times like
these when they are home again for a bit and it is both bitter and sweet.
Just like life can be. If we are present in the moments we share we build
on our grown up relationships and that is a wonderful thing.
November 12 Freedom and I spent
an evening at Silent T last night and recorded a tune he decided to call
To You. I love the tune, it is dreamy. It is an interesting time having
Josh and Freedom here at the house and I love getting to spend some time
with the two of them together. We are all unique in this world but the
Murat's have a bit of twisted humor that is great for breaking tension.
It can get pretty silly with the Three Amigos hanging out together. Everyday
we wonder what will happen with the Love Israel Farm. I can't imagine
not having a Garlic Festival after becoming involved with it three years
ago. My sons stay out there quite a bit and I am coming to know and love
the family. I hope things work out and I wish we were doing something
to make it happen. Andie and I love to jump into projects and we do great
under pressure and deadlines. We just don't know what we could do in this
situation.
Today I am missing the Fickels and wish we could sit down and visit and
have a few laughs.
We are all making progress with our world weary backs and necks thanks
to Dr. James Burton. As for me I am battling this creeping crud that has
been going around. It is me and silver water gel against the virus. We
are tied today, but I will be ahead by tomorrow.
November
10 Another day, in a seamless stream of days, has begun. It is
a time when lots of the family is around except as always, Chani. We miss
her. Sarah is busy but I still get to see her each week when we go see
Dr. Jim Burton and get our aching necks and backs adjusted. She is looking
so much better since we began these treatments. She doesn't look pain
weary anymore. Josh, Freedom and Rob are hanging at the home front while
they work on completing their CD. Rob and Freedom are, Josh is still inclined
towards watching TV when he is at our house. The plans are for him to
do some guitar work on the CD as well. Liz was a huge help at the winery
this weekend and so was Andie. One of things I enjoyed the most this weekend
was the three of us teaming up and doing the job together. It made my
heart feel good.
I am thinking about how relationships change over time
and how important it is to work through things and get closure as we go.
I see so many people that go through crisis and conflict and then "make
up". That is great drama, however, if whatever was wrong isn't resolved
that process seems to go on and on until the last big blowup and all that
baggage from the past comes crashing down on their hearts and heads and
it is over. The way we treat one another is so important too. I am grateful
for the fact that Andie and I treat each other with kindness and respect
even if we disagree and even if we are mad. We change like everyone else
but we team up for whatever we face in life and I am glad for that and
it makes the idea of change a good one.
November
6 Today is the first time Freedom
and Rob are coming over to check out the studio. Once again I was so impressed
with the power of their up and coming CD. It is so good to have Freedom
back in the state and have the chance to spend some time with him. His
writing just keeps on improving and becoming more and more strong. It
is a glorious sunny and very cold day here in the great Northwest. Family
is the reason we stay here and days like today are special added sparkles
to our lives.
November
4 I felt the sting of
the coming cold season on my cheeks this morning. I remember last year
when I walked outside in the darkness of winter I heard a crashing in
the yard next to our house and a cougar came flying over the fence. It
moved so fast I couldn't tell what it was, so I hoped in the car and raced
down the road after it. Running full boar next to my car was this powerful
cat. Its shoulders were level with the hood of my car. Its muscles rippled
as it ran alongside and easily keep pace with me. It careened over the
embankment and ran off into the woods. I remember being glad I was in
the car and not out on the road. I also added the experience to the memory
of the many times my guardian angel has kept me from harm. I could have
easily been a snacky cake for the cougar had it turned on me instead of
running. Still I am always a little wary on the way to the car when it
is dark outside. The memory of the cougar and the frosty air chase away
all sleepiness and I am on way to a brand new day,and another new beginning.
November
2 It is already November and so very cold. I am so thrilled to
get good tidings from Ohio! I am looking forward to the next Fickel Murat
get together. The message at church today was never give up! Never give
up! Never give up! I was going to stay home but as it turns out I am glad
I went. There are so many times in life when we stumble or are knocked
down hard. When we get up, dust off and go on we can make new strides
forward and learn from our pain. Every day is truly a new beginning. I
have been working on singing a demo of a few of Casey Garland's tunes
and I realize there is a challenge for me in the studio and often on the
stage. How to let go and let the emotion flow through my music. I keep
stumbling on this one, I can hit the notes and play the chords but there
is something missing. So I fall hard, dust off and it is time to give
it another go. Never give up.
October
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July Journal
June Journal
April-May Journal
Early Archives
Joules
Graves Freedom Taxi Riverpeople Smokin'
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