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Josh and Saria
Josh and Christina had their baby!


Kayden driving his Pontiac


November 30, 2005        The first condition of human goodness is something to love; the second, something to revere. George Eliot from Shaker Boy
Days have run together. I seem to want to sleep every minute of the day away. Slumber calls me continuously and keeps me from my music. I seem to have been sprinkled with sleepy hollows dust and dropped off in the fog. My time and talents are totally being wasted in the present situation I find myself. Yesterday Brian said to me, "An artist is someone who makes their living off their art." At first I flinched and thought to myself " I am not a musician then." Then I realized I do make my living off music. Silly me. I just do a whole bunch of other stuff too
by the way I am going to attempt to use the news page more. Please note that I said attempt because finding time for writing at all seems to be quite a challenge. I have some news you can read about there if you are interested.
 Josh and Christina are in their world in Bellingham and since they have chosen to keep it their sanctuary and we respect that, we are waiting for news on Saria and them. We have to assume (I hate that word) that all is well. We do know if they needed something they would contact us. So Mekaleka High Mekaheeny Ho as Pee Wee used to say.
  No more word from Chani so I think things must have improved. Freedom may be in for a visit early next year. That is all I have I will now switch over to the news page.
Kayden is grand. We switched him to soy formula and he hates the taste but his face has cleared up from the rash. He continues to play his instruments daily and we are learning to sign so we can teach him. Have peace in your hearts as we enter this grandest of seasons..

November 28, 2005 Too much to do and so little time.   

November 27, 2005                  We may lack riches, but the greatest fortune is what lies in our hearts. Odd Thomas
It is a lovely northwest day. The sun is shining and the air moist and cold, we are going on a quest for a Christmas tree and to get some exercise and fresh air. Kayden is having a better day today. Liz and Andie are doing some cleanup while Kayden practices his djimbe and piano. I am with him for support.
  We got our tree. I can hardly believe it. Every single year we say we are going out the day after thanksgiving and getting our Christmas tree. We did. Liz, Kayden, Andie and I. It is now standing in the living room waiting for all the goodies. It is already the season to be jolly. Man does time fly. I told Liz late last night that one day she would be 50 years old and wonder how she got there so fast so don't be in such a hurry to be 21. Life is that way though. Most of us want to be some where else or some one else at one time or another. Be here now. Those are still silly and still wise words.

November 26, 2005
8 am: Every one is still sleeping except Kayden and me. The dove is cooing softly. Four hours just went by since I started writing. Kayden is singing and playing the electric piano. Andie is feeling really poorly and went back to bed. I am going to head to the store and get her some fruit and almonds to go with the detoxification program she is taking. More later.
10 pm: Andie is lying down for the evening. She seems to be feeling a little better but she still has the headache. Kayden went down for the count finally. He was a bit sullen today. Very serious. He did play the piano three times, the djimbe twice, the guitar once and the congas one time. Sometimes he seems so contemplative. Faith spent a good part of the afternoon with the two of us. Andie was sleeping and Liz had gone to work. Kayden and Faith both watched The Emperor's New Groove while I went shopping for groceries. Faith mentioned that she thinks Kayden looks like an old soul. He is an old soul. All of my children are of the ancients I believe, each so unique and strong in their hearts and in the opinions of how things are. There are people you meet in your life with whom you are instantly and eternally connected. Long after you have brushed against each other's lives you feel their presence. We are truly one big family and there is nothing that we do that doesn't touch every other part of humanity in some way. That is why acts of kindness, no matter how small, are so important. Each one starts a ripple that flows, not buoyed by the media, but by the power of the human heart. The essence of goodness resides in each of our hearts. We need to bring it out into the sun. Love one another. What do we get when we nurse dark feelings, harbored hurts and unforgiving flaws in ourselves and in those we love? We spread the darkness. Better to spread the light. We all stumble. What if we took turns helping each other up and on our way and passed the kindness on? What if?

November 25, 2005
10:53 PM I have been thinking about my son Josh and how much I love him and how much alike we are in so many ways. I have been wondering why we send each other love and then come together like two combatant knights fully armored. Neither of us can talk to the other and I want to so badly. That is it. Jimmy Culler came by tonight to tell me about his adventures skiing and hang gliding and being followed down the mountain by snow bunnies. It was a fine evening.
The day after Thanksgiving has been very laid back. We just took it easy and Andie, Kayden and I spent time together. Andie is watching the marathon reruns of the show 24. Kayden is asleep in her arms. We have just spent the day with him. He played Christina's Congas, The Yamaha piano, he sang, we danced, he got Pontiac rides on my shoulders and I would not have been any where else in the world. When you have grown up kids you realize just how fast this time passes and Andie and I both are soaking up every changing minute. I think Josh is soaking up Saria in the same way. He pours love out of his eyes to her. They are still in the hospital a week after Saria was born. She had to go under ultra violet lights because of the yellowing effect being born has on so many new babies. We get almost all our information on how they are doing from friends. Josh said he hasn't slept more than two hours a night but said it was worth it and told Andie once again how beautiful he thinks Saria is. I wish we could have been more a part of her arrival. Exclusion and distance seems to be the role that was written for us in the relationship with Josh and Christina . We have plenty to do being parental grand parents to Kayden. We discuss concerns we have but realize for Josh, Christina and Saria and us, it seems to be about letting go. To be excluded from even the knowledge that Saria was being born is something that did some serious damage to my heart but I will work it out in time. It showed me our place and I accept it without malice. Besides, when Kayden smiles at me nothing else matters in the world. I see the dynamics for what they are. I am just grateful they are doing fine and have others to lean on until they are on their own. I am thankful here at home, we have each other. God bless.

Care USA    The American Red Cross
Need help to Stop Smoking- Lose Weight- Sleep Better- Increase Confidence ?
Why not try hypnosis? Call Tim Ewing 206-412-4846. He is my friend Aaron Ewing's brother.
I did and it helped a great deal. Thanks Tim. Not smoking for over 10 months now.
  

Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine. Lord Byron


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November 24, 2005  
Happy Thanksgiving! 10:02 PM
We are home once again. We visited Mish and her family. I noticed she had downloaded a picture of Saria from our website. When we first arrived at Mish's house only Rob and Pure were there but by the time we left it was Chastity, Comfort, Peace, Bill, Samantha and a few more with still more coming. It got real busy just at the point Rob and Mish and I started to play music. That came to a halt so we decided to head home. The energy was good but a bit loud and high and since it was time for Kayden to go to bed we decided to head out. The night before Rob and I spent about 5 hours in the studio going through the live at Provinces recordings. He brought over the Roland digital hand drum module he had just bought and we had too much fun playing with that.
   Today it was Liz, Faith , Kayden, Andie and me. Sarah didn't call or show true to Murat form. She finally did call tonight and is doing a drive by at about 11 PM. At least I will be able to see her face for a few minutes, Andie went to bed.
  So as to the forces and space at hand; Faith and Andie were at it this morning doing their Thanksgiving thing. It is too bad for most of the family who never make it for these occasions because it was great. At 12:30 when I was going into a low blood sugar coma dinner was ready. We dined on some very fine food. Turkey stuffed with garlic, basil, bay leaves and butter and basted in orange juice. It was wonderful. We had broccoli salad, mashed potatoes and gravy, black olives, stuffing, home made cranberry sauce, vegetables sautéed in garlic, butter, olive oil and seasonings and included Brussels sprouts and new potatoes and finally freshly baked rolls. I just couldn't eat a third helping even though I was starving. It has been a nice thanksgiving. We got to talk to my dad and Freedom and we had each other. Thank God for that. God bless us everyone.
   Sarah did make it by and it was good to see her. It was short and sweet but still good. Liz shared some feelings tonight that really touched my heart. I think when a new life comes into a family it is easy for everyone at different times to feel replaced and forgotten. It is part of the growth process. We are all children and grown ups all at the same time. Finding balance is the key. I have been blessed with some of the finest people on the planet as sons and daughters. God has given me so much I am thankful for and I hope he will forgive my short sightedness when I forget just how much I have. Thank you Lord.


November 23, 2005                  Update I finally got the computer working again.
    I never did get Nuendo to work again. I was up until nearly midnight with no luck. Install, reinstall and on and on. It is 5 am and I just fed Kayden and put him back to bed. I was thinking how comparatively simple life was before all these computers. Now I type away, Andie plays Spite and Malice and makes friends on line, and Liz is often on line working her web page or doing some research or instant messaging her friends. It seems what we don't do so much is interact with each other. That is where this machines and screens come in to keep us occupied. But they are a lot of fun too. I keep getting these silly movie clips "world's worst job" about a guy who has to answer yes every time the Verizon guy calls. Boy is that false advertising. I got one yesterday about "wife training school" that would be funny only to guys. It is a great way of staying connected. I am seriously thinking of retiring from this web stuff though. Maybe dig ditches and drink lots of beer for a while. Well, maybe not in this weather, I'd freeze my ass off. Rob is supposed to come over today and help me fix the P.O.S. Computer. I hate that I bought this damn thing. I tell you what. It has finally happened. I hate P.C.'s. Give me a Mac any day. I get more work on this Powerbook than I ever do on this P.C. that costs me four times as much money and continues to cost more and more. There are lemon trees and lemon computers. My server is one of those two. My good friend Don recommended I buy it from a Filipino dealer and man did I get jacked. Never again. I am going to shut up now and drink some coffee