January 30 Another
Friday and tonight the Cafe de Paris. I guess Freedom flies in today
and they are off to Oregon for concerts. I am listening to the concert
CD by Sarah McLachlan. What a concert! All those years of touring
and hard work culminating in a spectacular show. Speaking of shows,
Jim, Mike and I rehearsed last night for some up and coming shows
at the Tail Dragger in Arlington. I am still wondering about instrumentation
for the show. I need percussion in the band to keep me smiling.
My mind is bouncing off the walls with music and Andie's birthday,
the family, the studio, the gigs, writing songs. It seems like sleep
is a rare commodity these days. People keep asking me if I am okay.
I must look as tired as I feel. We need some fun excitement in our
lives. We get lots of stimulation. For instance we looked out last
night and saw that there is two inches of water in our yard and
you need rubber boots to get to the car. It certainly is never dull.
My dad sent me two cassettes on setting boundaries.
It is interesting to hear someone speak on the impact others can
have if boundaries are not clear and enforced. Still have a big
challenge helping Josh learn that. I think he is growing but so
many things that seem like they should be second nature are not
for him. He is playing better all the time and I invited him to
do some shows with the band but he has declined to come into the
last two rehearsals. It is all too trying sometimes. I love Andie
and am amazed at her capacity to love and welcome the people in
our lives.
January 26 This
new day is sliding in almost seamlessly from yesterday. I didn't
sleep much last night. My mind was playing ping pong with ideas.
We made some steps forward yesterday with communication and goal
setting and with boundaries. It was good. I watched and listened
to Andie as she shared her perspective on the amount of love she
has poured out to the young ones over the years. It was, too much
of the time, not returned. She said something to me later about
how she coped. The issues with the children weren't with her but
still she took the brunt of their pain and anger. They were children,
she said. She is done with that now. She said I think sometimes
we think we can fix our childhood. We can't. We have to, at some
point, own our own lives and take responsibility for who we are
and where we are going. I think the simple truths are the
most profound. It is so easy to look at life through the mirror
of the past while the present slips away. Moment after moment
can be lost as if life was the rehearsal and not the play. There
is a lot of love in our home and our ever expanding family and
Andie's heart is the center piece along with God's light. All
this energy will float to the top like cream and pour out in new
songs in this year of 2004.
January
15 I am riding
the waves of life another day. I met with Kathy from church last
night to listen to the plans for the future. Change is often painful,
but without growth we stagnate. My dad once told me as a musician
you can't just stay the same: you either get better or worse.
That may apply to life. I know in a small setting and very loving
community there is comfort. We want continuity in our lives. I
think the changes ahead are for the better but I don't think I
have the energy to watch the clashes that seem to be inevitable.
Sometimes I believe it is easy to lose site of what church is
all about and focus on ourselves. When I am in a sanctuary I want
peace and love and quiet meditation. I want a sense of being a
part of a bigger whole that points towards God. If I play music
there, God is who I play for, not me. That is what I am seeking
and that is what I will find. The trips to Bellingham are providing
that for me at this time and I am grateful to Paul for the invitation.
My heart and prayers go out to Eric and Kathy in their efforts
to grow the little church that could. There is such a good spirit
there. It is the work of the"other guy" that seeks to
hold it down and divide and scatter us. I hope he loses.
The last two mornings Josh has been awake to
visit with me for a few minutes before I head out. It has been
very nice to see his face and listen as he tells me about the
songs he is working. He has so much talent and I hope that we
get to play together with the band before too long. He can do
it and I would love it. When I look back on my life I feel some
sorry for mistakes I have made and pain I caused. I am so grateful
that I didn't vanish from the area and I have this proximity to
the souls I helped bring into the world. Andie and I can stand
together in love and watch them bloom into the fulfillment of
their dreams.
January 14th Another
day is Paradise and the Seattle rain is falling on the dark and
wet morning. I felt a bit fogged in this morning as I was talking
to Josh about music. Andie said to me yesterday that she needs
to find a way to not have to work. I asked her to let me know
what it is as soon as she does. I was talking to one of Andie's
relatives and he said the years go faster the older you get. I
agreed and we discussed why. His theory is that days seem so long
when you are young because you have so much of your life ahead
of you. Actually he used the words "percentage of your life
left". So the thought is the older we get the less percentage
of our lives we have left and therefore the days go by more quickly.
It could be that we just can't remember what happened in the day
and therefore it seems to be passing fast. It could also be that
it takes so darned long to do anything that it just seems like
days fly away. I think I will have a cup of coffee and ponder
this for awhile, as the day drifts swiftly past and I wonder why
I didn't get more done..
January 13th
I have been listening to Sarah McLachlan's CD Afterglow.
Thanks Dale and Kathy. Push is my favorite tune. I love the arrangements
and the songs. I think some of the endings are a bit abrupt but
that may be because the songs are over too soon for me. I haven't
been playing much due to working on the studio but I feel ready.
Music is such a fulfilling and bonding experience. I was listening
to an interview with an R & B cellist and he said the reason
that musicians can bond across generations is because they recognize
music as an integral part of their lives. I love seeing the music
in our family carrying on to the next generation. Josh gets so
excited when he is learning something new. He was showing me an
instrumental he is teaching himself. I am always delighted by
his ability to learn music note for note just by listening. Sarah
is focusing mostly on her piano at present and I am looking forward
to all three of us playing and getting Andie in there singing.
Liz is showing an interest in the piano and she has great hands
for playing. We are definitely an eclectic family musically. You
can hear Josh listening to Phish is one room, Andie to Fernando
Ortega, Liz to anything from rap to Frank Sinatra, Sarah East
Indian music. I am rich in family. So I am thinking about the
day ahead, the session with Bill tonight, wearing the sweater
that I got from Faith for my birthday, hearing Sarah sing and
feeling thankful for another day on the planet.
January
9th Sarah &
I were driving together this morning and any time we do it usually
involves an enormous amount of laughter. Today we were both too
fogged in to giggle. She has been working away on her piano again
and playing some very complicated classical pieces. She is so
gifted.
Josh learned another one of my tunes last night.
He plays it beautifully. The tune is called Avalon and it makes
a nice instrumental. He was so excited about learning the tune
that he stayed up all night playing it. Andie and I woke up to
his guitar at 4:30 in the morning, not a good thing for Andie.
I mentioned that it sure was lovely music though. I got up and
took Josh to the studio so Andie could sleep and I listened to
him play. He has an amazing ear and a gift for remembering anything
you show him. I see him showing love to the whole family now and
it is so good to see. He loves music. Don't we all.
I saw Chani yesterday and she gave me a happy Buddha
for my birthday. It was very sweet of her. Most of my family gives
me Asian things for my birthday or Christmas. It is fun. Maybe
next year I will get a kimono and some sandals or one of those
straw hats for when I putter in my garden. Chani has a plan and
is working very hard towards it. I am so proud of them all.
January
7th
Well the snow held and the ice formed and it is like a skating
rink on our deck. Another day home with the family. We finally
made it out late in the day to get some water from the store.
There are 140,000 people without power here in the greater Seattle
area. The bamboo in my Asian garden was bent to the ground and
coated with ice. I had to beat it with a stick so it would stand
up and leave a small path out of the gate to the car. At present
we are in the light with heat and I surely hope that remains true.
I am feeling tired today. It is a weary to the bones feeling.
I am reluctant to work in the studio since the power has been
flickering and I don't want anything to fry. I have been thinking
about Uncle Frank who just went in the hospital for the 7th time
this year. I feel like we need to make a trip to Florida. Josh
and I are off for a run to the store. Stay safe, stay warm. Hold
hands and say your prayers.
January 6
It is a winter wonderland here. It is funny
how everything comes to a halt with a few inches of snow. It makes
you wonder about places that have snow all winter long. We are
so far out in the country that snow plows don't give us much priority.
A serious freeze and we are bound to stay off the roads. It is
so very beautiful outside though. It makes me very thankful for
the warmth of home. We have been lazy bones around here. Sarah
is the only one doing anything today and she has been playing
her scales and practicing her piano. It has actually been nice
to be home. I really enjoyed having a weekend off. I had forgotten
how nice that can be. I spend a lot more time in the studio when
that happens. We have really enjoyed our time with friends like
Jim and Penni who treated us to a fine dining experience. Kathy
and Dale's party on new year's eve was much fun.. Ammishadai,
from the soon to be gone Love Israel Farm, almost came over to
see us and play some music. She was held back by the weather.
I have had so many blessings this past year.
I am thankful for my dad and all the love he is showing our family
back east and for the way John and Leta and Frank are facing their
trials. Their courage is an inspiration. I am happy to have finally
built this website for it has given me a creative outlet to share
with the world. I have enjoyed and been inspired by the Quijano
brothers and their music and drive. I am thankful for being blessed
with such unique individuals who call me Papa and have blessed
me with so much of their love and presence this last year. They
are all so talented and apart from any average that it is a joy
just to know them and watch them blossom as human beings. And
the Fickels, our new extended family, were such a warm and unexpected
addition to our lives. And not much time passed after our friendship
was kindled before we were sharing life's joys and sorrows and
feeling their emotions as if they were our own. I miss the friends
I don't get to see anymore. Make new friends but keep the old
as the saying goes. That is one thing I wish I could change: not
having time with people we love. But life keeps moving and time
stands still for nobody. I think the key is paying attention to
moments as they happen so we don't let life pass us by while we
are lost in the past or future.
January 1st Happy New Year. It was a very laid back evening.
Chani came over and we played Cranium with Liz and I on one team
and Chani and Andie on the other. It was fun. I had told our friends
that I was staying home to play music with my son Josh. He pooped
out on us and went out with Ronna. That is the last time we make
plans excluding other activities to be with Josh. The new year
will bring some big changes and more positive energy into our
lives and home. I am ready to pull up from the 2003 blues. I struggled
quite a bit with those but it gets better all the time. I am looking
forward to writing a lot of new music in 2004. We have had more
company than ever before and that has taken some getting used
to but in a good way. I want to take some time to reflect on the
last year and make some big and positive moves this year. I am
getting ready. One thing I want to do this next new years is stay
in a hotel in Seattle or somewhere else and watch the fireworks
with Andie. I want to travel much this year and see some new places
together. I want more peace and harmony in our home too. That
will most likely involve some big changes in our house. Here we
go
December
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Early Archives
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